Friday, September 21, 2012

Failure

Alas it's official, I've failed to complete my thesis before my candidature ran out. It appears to not be possible to finish a PhD whilst raising three kids, remaining married, birthing a child and moving interstate. Tomorrow my PhD is due- whoops. I still need to finish a paper and the discussion - there is no way I can hand it in.

Tears ran down my face today at the school assembly. I tried really hard to not let anyone realise I was crying. It dawned on me that what I was experiencing at school was worth the wait. My eldest son (10yr old) played the piano at the start of the assembly. I was so proud of him. He volunteered to do it and he played beautifully. He is no Mozart but the Boogie jazz piece he played off by heart made me proud. I wish I had the confidence like him to just give it a go. I watched the kids dance and sing, entertaining all the proud parents in attendance. I was so happy to have the opportunity to see them. It's been lovely watching the kids grow over the past 7.5 years. Just last week the kids dressed up for bookweek. I took an hour away from study to watch the parade. An hour well spent : ) Being a part of the kids life was the type of parent I wanted to be. I can accept an unfinished PhD knowing I managed to be there for most of the little moments such as assembly today.

I'm sure the tears were provoked by my knowledge of the eminent failure. At the assembly I felt anything but a failure. I felt like a proud mother of three gorgeous boys. Ok I failed to finish my PhD before my candidature ran out. Life and family is worth this slight failure. Luckily I have one years extension on my candidature so I'll still finish the PhD monster. Stay tuned- its getting close!

3 comments:

count it all joy said...

Aw, Ro. This made me cry in a really wonderful way. Your beautiful family must be so proud of you for all that you do and all that you are. Sounds to me like you've got your priorities absolutely spot on. This post should have been titled Winning! Much love to you lovely friend. Meredy xo

Farm Fancies said...

If we were all perfect in everything we did we'd bore each other to death. Being perfect in our own way with the things that matter most to us, like family, is a worthwhile achievement for anyone :). I'm sure your family would give you the best report for "Mumhood". As you have an extension on the PhD you aren't really "late" anyway!
Cheers,
Rob

PhD Journey: fire, kids, erosion said...

Hi Merry and Rob
Thanks for the comment. The missed due date was a big hurdle to cross. Feels much better the other side, it'll be even better when this PhD monster is handed in. I'll keep dreaming.
Hope your both well. A farm with Rob and renovations with Merry, love your work!

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