Silkworms

Have you ever watched a silkworm spin a cocoon? Tranquil - yet lots of work. The last few weeks PhD-procrastination effort has involved a short walk to the local uni carpark to pick a few mulberry leaves to feed the worms. Ok I get strange looks and the odd question, I'm fairly used to that outcome in life. The worms hatched in June (of course we forgot about them) so only half survived the year long wait to emerge from the envelop in our pantry. Starvation probably beats last years culling effort - I fed the excess worms to the chooks. My Mum used to keep silk worms when we were kids and for some reason I have followed the tradition. Our boys know about the life cycle, watching with varying levels of interest as the worms grow from being a millimetre in size to the current 7cm fat caterpillars. Just last night two started to weave their cocoons. Its time to place more egg cups in the box so they have a safe spot to build their sleepy homes ready to emerge as moths for the fun-reproductive stage of life ; )

I woke with a cold this morning. Great excuse to hang with the boys rather than bury my head into statistics. We'll visit the local growers market, change the silkworms home with clean newspaper, play computer games, build bionicles and dare to shop for school shoes. I remember a motivational speaker at school who recommended doing the ironing when you were sick as you may aswell get the horrid jobs out of the way when you feel awful. She also kindly referred to buckets of chips as buckets of fat. Yes she was the famous nutritionist, Rosemary Stanton who was the Mum of numerous kids at our school. Back then she wasn't as well know as she is today. I tend to use sick days as no thinking days - these normally turn into fun-productive homedays.

Failure

Alas it's official, I've failed to complete my thesis before my candidature ran out. It appears to not be possible to finish a PhD whilst raising three kids, remaining married, birthing a child and moving interstate. Tomorrow my PhD is due- whoops. I still need to finish a paper and the discussion - there is no way I can hand it in.

Tears ran down my face today at the school assembly. I tried really hard to not let anyone realise I was crying. It dawned on me that what I was experiencing at school was worth the wait. My eldest son (10yr old) played the piano at the start of the assembly. I was so proud of him. He volunteered to do it and he played beautifully. He is no Mozart but the Boogie jazz piece he played off by heart made me proud. I wish I had the confidence like him to just give it a go. I watched the kids dance and sing, entertaining all the proud parents in attendance. I was so happy to have the opportunity to see them. It's been lovely watching the kids grow over the past 7.5 years. Just last week the kids dressed up for bookweek. I took an hour away from study to watch the parade. An hour well spent : ) Being a part of the kids life was the type of parent I wanted to be. I can accept an unfinished PhD knowing I managed to be there for most of the little moments such as assembly today.

I'm sure the tears were provoked by my knowledge of the eminent failure. At the assembly I felt anything but a failure. I felt like a proud mother of three gorgeous boys. Ok I failed to finish my PhD before my candidature ran out. Life and family is worth this slight failure. Luckily I have one years extension on my candidature so I'll still finish the PhD monster. Stay tuned- its getting close!

Bunny

A new distraction has hopped my way. A very cute bunny was discovered by our dog hiding under a car on Sat. I've always told my kids if they caught a rabbit they could keep it. This offer was made knowing full well they had little hope of catching the wild rabbits. It appears this rabbit is not wild - it was friendly and very fat. So we now have a new pet rabbit until someone claims the little fella. The chances are slim as I gather people dump unwanted rabbits at the uni. The environmentalist in me should know better as rabbits are a pest in Australia. We joked on facebook about making rabbit pie, alas the kids have become instantly fond of the cute fury little fella. So another excuse to procrastinate away from finishing my PhD.

A fabulous mum friend has nearly finished her PhD. Its been a long ten years for her and light is appearing at the end of the tunnel. I'm still dabbling in statistics so the light keeps fading away. By the time I've finished I think a paper on the limitations of statistics needs to be written. I'm off to Perth to another conference next week. I'm using the conference as a writing retreat away from the kids to get this crazy thing finished. Back to statistics today.

  

Sanity with three boys

There is a simple way to stay sane with three boys before the school bus whisks them away for the day.
Don't stress the little details
Our socks tend to not match and the toys aren't put away. This means handball can be enjoyed outside by all. I did draw the line at the geopicks being swung around. Geopicks in the front yard are a by-product of having a geologist for a dad. Hospital trips before school is not a good look with a pick in the head. Yesterday it was a clay ball in the ear that caused Liam to miss the school bus. Nothing a bit of ice couldn't fix. Today was sane, yesterday maybe not so. That's life with three boys. I spent yesterday trying to make my data normal using logarithmic equations in "R".  Today it's on to randomForest. I keep picturing beautiful rainforests but alas its data crunching and computer programming.

Anything is better than working on my PhD

Ahhhh the washing needs hanging out, a paper needs reviewing, an honours student needs a meeting. Anything is better than working on my own PhD. An ex PhD student passed on a gem of advice the other day. By the end of his PhD he hated it sooooo much that he realised everyday spent procrastinating was one more day he'd have to wait until the PhD torment was over. I kinda got what he meant. Time to end the torment. However the latest PhD avoidance trip to Port Macquarie was well worth the time. Three lucky boys wagging school standing on a turbidite. Another four days of PhD torment is worth a trip away with the kids. Now that I'm sitting here having lost four days the PhD hatred is creeping back. On with a life of regression analysis.

Silly Twat

One of my finer parenting moments occurred yesterday. I was happily volunteering at the school canteen when I called a student a silly twat. He had forgotten to place his lunch order. Well I gather that word is not what you call a student, or even another person for that matter. My two friends looked at me in horror then burst into laughter. Clearly I had crossed the line. So I've sinced googled twat to confirm via Wikepedia

Twat
Although sometimes used as a reference to the female genitalia, the word twat is more often used in various other ways:

• As a derogatory insult, a pejorative meaning a fool, a stronger alternative to the word twit - 'He can be a complete twat' (often used in the UK)^[5]
• To hit something (or someone) hard or violently - 'Let's get out there and twat it!

Yes I grew up in a very open household that did not hold back in the use of colourful language. My Dad's nickname for me was b1tch. Always said affectionately in a friendly tone. I had never focused on what twat really meant. I checked with an English buddy who as a kid thought it meant fish eggs until her mother explained it was very rude and meant a vagina, Ohhh why can't we treat vagina's with respect rather than turn them into swear words. Really it's just a wonderful part of the body. Next time I call a person a twat I'll have to explain it's the silly fool (meant nicely) rather than a derogative insult. Maybe I just need to find a new word for a fool.

Schools Back

Hip hip hooray. School went back today. Alex our dog was so happy to chase the school bus again. The kids enjoyed a morning of handball and I'm loving my free quiet day. Holidays were fabulous. Even the conference paper with a one month turn around was OK. Just maybe another chapter done on this never ending PhD journey. Fingers crossed this year is IT. Ok so today I have paused to absorb the peace and quiet. Hope you all had a lovely break.

Gona

Wow where did 2011 go? Roll on 2012. My plan this year is to live in the now. A bit less planning and a bit more enjoying today, this moment, right now. Truthfully it's not possible with my mind. I'm always dreaming up new plans...

So 2012 I'm gona

•  Replant and weed the vege garden. I bought some seedlings this morning at the markets to get it rolling along.
• Finish this PhD (hmmm I'm sure this is the third year I'm saying that)
• Buy a camper trailer. Yes the plans keep rolling- Geodiversity project here we come
• Improve my fitness via enjoying the outdoors. Its time to orienteer, mountain bike ride, climb, run, geocache
• Bake bread (loving this one, we have been eating five seed bread, white bread, brioche, wholemeal bread)
• Enjoy my three little monkeys -school on Monday ; )

Here's hoping you all enjoy the now in 2012

Run down garden in need of love

Three boys and a few holidays

I have found the ideal holiday location for three boys. My suspicion has been confirmed. People moving cars(eg Kia carnival) keep arriving with a car load of kids. Walking round this place are smiling families with three boys in tow. You know the parents (especially the mother ) looks happy not exhausted. What is the secret?

• A heated pool to dissipate all their energy
• A beach nearby to once again dissipate their energy
• A street of simple two or three bedroom houses
• Two huge TVs
• Wifi access so the kids can plug into their favourite games
• A huge driveway for skate board riding
• A BBQ next to the pool so hubby can help cook
• No regular cleaner so it really doesn't matter if you can't walk into the kids room due to the mess
• Two bathrooms so you don't have to to dodge the inevitable missed toilet mess
• A self contained kitchen. This is a blessing as there is no need to be embarrassed when the kids destroy any nearby restaurant. Three boys are never great at sitting still at a restaurant. This self contained kitchen results in a self contained family dinner where the boys can eat, be silly, move and laugh. I love it!

In contrast we went to Bondi earlier in the holiday. We had a free night in a 4.5 star hotel that needed using up. So I took the boys. Sol was away with uni students looking at rocks. It didn't help that it rained so much we were mostly stuck  indoor. It also didn't help that one kid had a sore toe so was not up to walking far. We ate out resulting in an expensive trip with the usual crazy behaviour caused by my middle boys reaction to certain foods. The beds in small contained rooms turn into trampolines. The squeals of delight were most likely heard all over the whole fourth floor. So the 4.5 star hotel gets the thumbs down.

We also went on the family holiday with the cousins. Bliss! Kids love kids especially kids they grow up with. I even need to confess I loved hanging out with my big brother. He knows how to laugh and have fun.

So the Phd has not been done this holiday. My brother nicely pointed out (like all brothers do) the true reason my PhD  is not finished. Procrastination. I'd like to call it mothering. At least I'm enjoying life.

Windows

We have a lot of windows at home that create the feeling of being outside even whilst we sit inside. The main drawback to the pleasure of windows is that they get very dirty especially when little boys leave there finger prints everywhere. I also have a 7yr old that loves stirring his brothers and talking back. Hmmmm solution has been found. Every problematic fight or talk back results in a consequence of pick a window to clean. He's starting to run out of the small ones..hehehehehe
Mum's sweet revenge.

Milestones

Once again the PhD is so like a developing baby. When my boys were just about to crawl they were so frustrated. Objects were just within reach yet the effort seemed too much and a grizzle was so much easier. As the parent I noticed time and time again just before they reached a milestone they were horrid, then when the milestone was reached peace and harmony was restored. Such milestones included crawling, teething, talking and walking. Well my PhD is so similar. Today I had a win with an equation featuring the letter “e”. Binary logistic regression and probability for those statistically and mathematically inclined. My maths is not really at this level so it’s been a huge milestone to reach with much grumbling and cursing by me. Today I felt alive with happiness at reaching this huge milestone. I ran along the beach at lunch unable to wipe away my smile. My poor family might finally have a dancing happy Mum again. Who would think the letter “e” could bring such delight.  

Icing on the finger bun

I'm thinking of writing a book. All this blogging and PhD writing has actually made me enjoy writing. Originally I started blogging to improve my writing skills.  Back in school I found english shocking  until a tutor explained creative writing wasn't about being creative but rather about writing with fluent grammar and correct spelling. Word software has been wonderful at teaching me spelling and hinting that my grammar is all wrong. Luckily there are people called editors!

The book I'm dreaming up is inspired by the school canteen. Today I picked up 25 finger buns for the canteen. Oh so yummy looking with pink icing. Our committee spent a long time discussing where to buy the finger buns and what icing to have due to kids with allergies and intolerances. How could I not choose the title "the icing on the finger bun". I could cover many parenting themes of our generation. Topics such as  food additives, artifical colours, family juggling, time managment, getting ready for school, homework, after school sports, man flu, holidays, sick kids, exercise and the list goes on. One of my characters would be a vegetarian mum whose son only orders meat pies. Feel free to add some ideas for me. Of course I must finish the PhD first. The book would be a hobby when we travel around Oz looking at rocks.  Hmm three boys, hubby, dog and myself in a caravan for six months. Now that might be a more interesting story to write about ; )


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Friday morning

I love a friday morning, even in the rain. Alex (the dog) and I head off to the beach for a morning walk. Alex has been part of our family for over a year now. We collected him from the pound when he was just over one in age. His first visit to the beach was an experience. The sand was strange to him and the sea was scary. Obviously he had not been taken to the beach before. Now he runs like mad, chasing the sea gulls in eternal hope he may catch one. So far the sea gulls are winning and Alex is staying fit. We had the beach entirely to ourselves today. The sea was wild and the rain mild. Beach dune erosion was making those great walls that kids adore jumping off.

Friday morning is market morning at home. I go each week to buy our vegies off the local growers. I love knowing where our food comes from and who grew it. The farmers share stories about their farm such as the green houses being destroyed in the recent winds and the trick of actually feeding the vegies nutrients to make them so superb. My home grown vegies never look as good as theirs.

I walk back into the home at 8am all relaxed having seen the sea, chatted to the food providers and breathed fresh air only to be greeted by the school morning crazies. It took no time to start bellowing stop fighting over the footy cards or I'm throwing them in the bin!, have you brushed your teeth, go make your bed, where is your homework folder... Then the bus arrives, it takes the little monkeys away then its just Alex and I. Alex sits by my side as I try to muster up the motivation to sit at this computer and work on the PhD. Luckily the house is such a mess from the morning chaos I give my self an hour to feed the chooks, have brekky, clean the kitchen, pop on the clothes washing, bring in a load, have a tea and check the emails/facebook/blogs.

Alex is now fast asleep, its time to study, no more procrastination excuses (except maybe hang the washing on the line).

On My Mind: A Friday home photo initiative of Down To Earth.  Check it out.

School holidays

Holidays are here. Last day of school for over two weeks. Hmmm what to do with the lion cubs. So far there is a sports camp for a day, soccer camp for three mornings, local production of Peter Pan, some play dates, Bastille party with cousins. I reckon that's enough for two weeks. The big question is whether to squeeze in uni work, clean out the house cupboards or just play with the kids.  I'm facing some serious sorting of the clothes, time for the hand-me-downs to trickle down the line. I guess you can see one of my time saving methods. Clothes are not exactly folded very well.

We've been using the family fun day Sunday $2.50 all you can travel on public transport lately. Geez its great. Sunny days at Manly, aquariums and lego shows in Sydney, BBQ at Neutral Bay. Life is so much easier now the kids are getting older.

Messy cupboard photo is dedicated to Down to Earth On My Mind   a lovely idea to share our homes and lives. Am I too honest about the mess of boys?

PhD Survey and TED

For the past 12 months I've been participating in a survey about PhDs and how I felt about it. As part of the follow up survey they sent me a graph today that showed my survey response. The graph looks like this

The graph is about right for an average monthly view.  If you asked my hubby, who kindly listens each night about my studies, he might argue differently. Just like raising a child a PhD has so many highs and lows. Even on a daily, minute by minute  time-scale my feelings towards my studies alters. The graph really should look more like the one below. This graph has been inspired by the TED talk given by Rufus Griscom and Alisa Volkman on Let's talk parenting taboos. Any parent will understand the ups and downs, just like any third year PhD student. Should we really be talking more about it. Would you really tell someone how hard parenting is and expect them to try it. It's just the same as telling a potential PhD candidate that the PhD will leave you crying in the gutter. I like the truth but sometime ignorance is bliss allowing people to step outside their comfort zone.

Maybe I should combine both the parenting graph and my Phd graph. Hmmm scary concept, the graph would look like chaos.

Household Chores

Our 9 year old announced last night he wants to do more chores to earn more money. Wouldn't we all like more money hey! He has his eye on a 3D DS game console. Hmmm extravagent purchase really.  So of course I came up with all these useful things he could do to help. The decision was left in the air as they all sounded like too much work.

We chatted about it again this morning when my hubby got involved and nicely pointed out it would be good if Kai did something to help Mum around the home.  So I politely pointed out it is not "my house" it is our home and everyone should be contributing. We had a laugh, easier than fighting, and then tongue in check Sol suggested for Kai to help Dad out in the garden. Kai nicely replied "but Mum does the gardening too". Hmmm I think its time to rethink the domestic situation.

The boys get pocket money of $2 a week. This comes under the deal they unpack the dishwasher, make their beds, put their PJs away.  So of course this morning the PJs were all over the floor, beds not made and bionicles spread everywhere. Maybe its time to enforce the reason behind pocket money before we look at a pay rise.

It's time for a family meeting to discuss household chores. How do your families work it out? Is it a state of war or do you manage to negotiate it? Is someone the household dictator or does everyone notice and contribute to what needs to be done?

I find every six months the issue of who does the household chores in our home needs revisiting. 

Crescendo in the music

When the PhD is over I have plans. One is to learn jazz piano. I started before Kai was born only to quickly find that morning sickness and piano lessons do not go hand in hand. Music stopped during the early kid rearing years. Every time I jumped on the piano the kids would destroy any resemblance of organised music by joyfully pressing the keys.  Bedtime was a disaster for playing as the little monkeys would wake up to listen in, jumping out of bed in curiosity. I gave up for so long. Recently I’ve started to play again. I play out loud now. I don’t care what people think when I make mistakes, I just play for fun.

An old memory came back today of my music exam for the HSC when the examiner asked where the main crescendo was of the Mozart score. I learnt to play the notes correctly but never thought of the music as an entire piece of work. It was played in stages as each section was mastered the next was begun. I didn’t really appreciate the music as a whole.

My thesis is starting to come together as a whole piece. It is time to pull together all the papers I’ve written and compile the work. Last week with no kids around I worked hard on the last paper of my thesis. This means there are two published papers, one draft and two rough drafts. It is still a long way away from finishing. The crescendo I played on the piano today reminded me to treat the thesis as a whole piece, not just notes joined together. Looking forward to when I can learn jazz without a lingering PhD awaiting to be finish.

Thyme

I have a gorgeous friend I'm sharing this journey of parenting with. The other day I asked her for some Thyme, I could see her brain calculating the desire to help but the problem with time.  In no time we worked out the confusion and she quickly beamed with the knowledge her garden could provide thyme.

In my limited time I had failed to remembered I did plant some thyme a month ago in the neighbours yard we care for. So today I have thyme in my cooking and I've found time to cook bolognese, lamb biryani, preserve lemons and prepare for five days of glorious time with no little boys. Yes five whole days coming up to WRITE this never ending PhD. Pretty happy about that one. I'll miss my little men, but time without them is what I really need right now to keep this PhD journey ticking along. I found time to bake chocolate chip cookies at the request of Liam, however in my race against time I made the cookies too big and they grew together. Great thing about butter, brown sugar, eggs, coconut and chocolate is that it still taste great regardless of the appearance.

Do I put my kids on the CV?

I spent the morning updating my Curriculum Vitae including my publication list to apply for a Honorary Fellow.  I thought for a while do I add my children as they one of my greatest achievements. It does explains why the PhD takes forever. My family comes first. Kids are a normal part of life, why don't people add their children to resumes? I remember my Mum nicely arguing with Dad about this issue years ago. At the time I wondered why would you bother to mention the kids. Now I've been a Mum I want to tell the whole world of this amazing accomplishment. My children are unique, one off creations. I'm sure putting them on my CV won't help me obtain work in the field of erosion studies. It might help if I applied for childcare or school teaching. In reality I think it does help in the working world. Since having children I'm more patient, understanding, open minded and I'm really good at juggling time. Somehow I still don't feel right listing my kids on a CV.  Any views?

Ultrasound of Isaac